You Are The Sun.
“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. Yes he is very dreamy but he is not the sun…you are.”
A single line from my favorite episode of Grey’s Anatomy. It was the last words Christina Yang told Meredith before she moved across the world. It was those words back in 2014 that helped me learn my worth.
Over the years of dating I’ve made many mistakes. I fell for clowns and have been manipulated and emotionally abused in more ways than you know. I even pushed away a few good ones because of fear of falling in love again.
I think it honestly stemmed from not being shown how a man is supposed to love a woman growing up.
Along the way, I never wrote off men completely, but just kept the faith that one day I would find my person.
Little did I know I needed to put myself first. I needed to realize I was, indeed, the sun.
The moment I put myself first I noticed a shift. There was a shift in what I attracted. There was a different vibrational energy when I moved through a room. There was no desperation or settling.
My standards transformed.
My own happiness superseded anyone elses.
I developed my own passions and worked on self-development growth.
I grew deeper in my relationship with God.
I learned to love myself first in a multitude of ways.
I’m grateful for the lessons through the toxic relationships. I’m even more grateful for the moment I learned to put myself first.
I even put a sticky note on my bathroom mirror as a gentle reminder that I was the sun.
And when I decided to hop on a dating app just to get out of my bubble and meet people, little did I know I would meet my future husband.
The first time Cadre and I went out I honestly didn’t think it would turn into anything. My experience had shown me most people were just looking for fun.
The first thing I noticed was how much of a gentleman he was. He never let me touch a door handle including the car. We dated for over a month of dating before he even tried to kiss me. He didn’t dare throw out a Netflix and chill suggestion as a date and I think he only had been up to my apartment once for a few minutes before we were in a committed relationship.
I was the sun.
I set a standard and without even mentioning it to him he knew what boundaries not to cross.
I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind and say what bothered me and he respected it.
Fast forward to 2 years into our courtship and I am now his fiancé and planning to spend the rest of my life with him.
Our communication is amazing and we’ve never had an argument. We make each other a priority. And he still remains that same gentleman from the first date.
We’re not perfect but we are doing the work to build the foundation for a successful marriage and life together.
Learning that I was the sun and finding ways to make my own light shine brighter is what ultimately helped to manifest this love.
If you’re still waiting for your person, perhaps you should start to note what ways can you shine brighter today. For yourself.
Always remember, you are the sun.
With love and light,
xo Vanessa Michele